Full Moon Fever

There are times when, in the middle of a moonlit night, I wake up and can’t go back to sleep.

It always happens when the moon is full. Whether it’s a clear night or not, the increased level of ambient light, the weird effects of steroids on my circadian rhythm, too much caffeine, the tidal effect of the waxing phase, or the influence of the the Moon in my seventh house rising in Scorpio… whatever. I have to get up, go into the living room, read, watch TV, pet the cat(s), the dog, or one of my thirty-five stuffed toy otters (no, that’s not some sexual euphemism. I collect toy otters. it’s my thing, you wouldn’t understand).

It has been suggested to me that perhaps my occasional insomnia might be attributable to my age. Thanks. That makes me feel better.

There is also a theory that I have become a werewolf. Okay. Can’t sleep on a full moon, lots of body hair (only some of which is due to the steroids), generally surly before dinner…I concede, the werewolf theory has a certain weight. But I rarely feel like howling at the moon. Oh, and while I do like ribs, i don’t usually do the actual killing and evisceration of the beastie.And I prefer them cooked and covered in barbecue sauce.

Another theory is that my cat wakes me up, just to piss me off. Oh, he does that, but usually I can fall back to sleep afterwards…after I pet him, make sure he’s comfortable, and remove his foot from my throat.

A final theory is that sometimes I just wake up on the night of a full moon and can’t go back to sleep.

I didn’t say it was a theory that completely explains the phenomenon, I just said it was a theory. I mean, I could have made some funny, Barry-esque observation, but I’m just not that imaginative. Probably because I can’t sleep during a full moon.

And besides..my cat tells me I need to kill a pig, take a flea bath, and take Geritol. Who am I to argue with him?